HiFelicia

Ive been an absolute mess. Im trying to hold it together but its so hard.

August 15th i casually log onto fb to see my friend has passed. I could not believe it… and i still cant. Im so mad, so sad, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. Ive been crying for days.

We met when i was 23. I was fresh out the navy back in memphis working as a jr engineer at a fiberglass company in olive branch, Mississippi. Some boy up there liked me, & i hit him up asking for his weedman. After work one day i pulled up in Raleigh at the apartments off sycamore view & Raleigh Lagrange, i cant think of the name rn🥹 but as soon as i hopped out, i seen the look on B’s face & he was into me, girl! He asked me was my body real🤣😆 12 years before i ever even considered surgery. From that moment forward he inserted himself into my life. Ive never had a man who respected me so much, who accepted me so much, who never mentioned my shortcomings & faults. He listened to me , every single word I would say. He always showed up for me, even when i didnt ask. He was a proud father & he loveddddd his baby mom. Not a day goes by that I dont think about him & hear his laugh. Seriously my twin. The only reason why we never got together fr is bc i knew he really loved his bm he just had love for me too… also he was quite the criminal yall. When he got released this time, first of all… i felt his presence before he contacted me. I was in a loyal relationship (so i thought) & was well aware that if B did contact me, i was gonna fold. By the time B contacted me i was single so i folded lol, but here’s the thing: i still kept my guard up. I wasn’t sure if it was safe with him, bc i would fall, then boom jail & this was a cycle. His bm eventually moved on & married someone else (which hurt B fr lol but here’s deserved it haha) but the heart wants what the heart wants.

His sudden passing reminded me that tomorrow truly isnt promised. One day youre here, calling, texting, hugging, kissing, laughing. Then one day you are no longer here.

I love him so much. I dont know if ill meet another with a heart like him. I dont think ill have a connection like that with anyone else again. But atleast i know what unconditional love looks & feels like. That undeniable chemistry. A man who comes to GET you. A man who, even if you deny his relationship request, respects your autonomy & still treats you with love kindness and respect.

Him 12/1/1987

Me 12/11/1989

My real world male twin. We were the same but different. I appreciate him for inserting himself into my life, always coming back for me, keeping up with me, & subtly letting niggas know that i was attached to him.