HiFelicia

I want to be grateful to have a job as I have grown since having it (last year) but retail is so draining I cannot believeeeee I am back in it. I am disgusted with consumerism at this point. Why is there so much of everything ?! I felt so overwhelmed when starting the job: now listen, my salon and in house beauty room is pretty much a makeup store in its own right. But its different lol…. I still don’t have as much as the store! so many products and names and finishes and and the products are small and tiny. The overwhelming feeling I got? is not normal… and it has sense subsided a year later. The store feels so different without customers too. its so quiet.

I hate when women bring their men to the makeup store. You know what, not just men: anyone who doesn’t know anything about makeup. Most times they bring people who don’t even like makeup. Now I’m trying to be helpful while being ridiculed most times in that dynamic. Or the ones who come in, beg me for help, just to have me break away from whatever I’m doing- which I don’t mind and even enjoy helping women find products to make them feel *beautiful*- but they’ll pull me away just to ignore my expertise and ask their homegirl/mom/man who knows nothing on nothing.

Im so drained today. But customers be cool most times. Its the demanding hours and weight of being a manager in a retail store: like tomorrow, I’m opening. lets say I wake up and feel awful. Calling out is no go. I carry keys to the store and its a huge responsibility, as if I don’t make it in the associates can’t make it in to do what they need to do and its just… heavy! I hate babysitting adults. I hate my name being called a million times throughout the day. I hate the dependency associates have to managers although they are capable of figuring things out themselves. Sometimes I get to work and I don’t want to talk and that’s unrealistic in retail. Friday I worked 10 hrs, Black Friday at that, and i got $31 dollars each hour… idk if that’s enough for me. in 10 hrs you could fly overseas and order fried octopus.

not only that but the scheduleeeeeee omgosh. the schedule is done at the last minute and its so hard to plan my life. I have hair appointments wax appointments massage appointments court dates filler appointments the need to be scheduled and I have no idea how the week will be until Saturday night… sometimes I =dk if I’m working Sunday UNTIL Saturday night, that’s what happened last night. I have a makeup business that I’m not slacking on PERIOD… actually the job is NUMBER TWO and I treat it as such. I don’t treat it with disrespect. But I def give number 2 anointing to it. I’m so tired of the long hours the demands the childishness and helplessness the babysitting the putting my life on hold for the schedule(I WILL NOT) its just…………………………..

I took this job to invest in myself and my business and I have been and that part is wonderful. I am mature enough to understand that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want, to be where you want to be and that’s where I am now. I appreciate being front and center in the beauty retail side, learning about new products and trying them before most people do, but influencers do that and get. paid way more.

Im working on it y’all. Let me stay consistent with my social media and my blog and maybe I can truly make a way for myself. I want to enjoy life, not work it away and I know that sound unrealistic to some… but idc.